The Next Best Thing
by Poseida Lunar
Summary: She is in love with Draco Malfoy. Angry over a recent break-up, the girl is determined to get her man this time. Only, there is a little problem... HPDM DMOC, crackfic, a request


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything from the Harry Potter universe. All belongs to JK Rowling.

READ THE FOLLOWING:

This is written for a writing trade that I did with blood-inthe-rain on DA, or newXmoonXfox, her penname here.

She requested the following: A fic for her OC, Ame Kurotsuki, a fox demon and Harry's adopted sister (Age: 14, House: Gryffindor) Requirements: Fred and George making an innuendo, or under handed remark about Ame having a crush on Draco, Hermione hitting someone over the head with a book, Snape being nice to Ame.

Hope you like it! :)

* * *

Ame smoothed her pink hair back and swore loudly at the mirror, her teeth bared with aggression as her fist clenched tight. She wanted to hurt, she wanted to kill...

"Damn it!" she screamed instead.

Hermione lowered her book and sighed. "Did you get dumped again?"

The pink-haired girl opened her eyes wider, hissing. "He's a fucking bastard anyway, with his plain, brown hair to his crooked left eye to his ugly, _ridiculous_, abominable, blue _braces_! I can't believe it. He told _me_ off! He told _me_ that I'm not a good enough kisser! I am a perfectly fine kisser; I am the only girl who mastered tying a cherry stem into a fucking knot at the age of ten!" She seethed at her reflection some more. "And do you know whom he dumped me for? Pansy fucking Parkinson. _Parkinson_!"

The Granger sighed once again.

"You know what, 'Mione. I don't like him anyway. His braces are a nightmare."

"The reason you went out with him was because you thought his braces were cute," Hermione pointed out. "And besides," she continued with a grin. "We all know that the only reason he broke up with you for Pug-face is because she's easy. She practically begged Marcus Flint to shag her in Second year."

The thought of that eased Ame's anger a bit. "That damn Hufflepuff is still going to get it someday."

Her friend rolled her eyes. "Here we go again..."

"Where are Fred and George?"

"Now Ame, you know if you even dare to go to them for revenge, then I can and will give you detention-"

"Because I want to see my two best friends?" Ame batted her eyes and sat down beside Hermione on the bed. "I didn't know hanging out with your friends is against the rules now.

_Bam!_

"OW! Hey! Stop hitting me with your book. How much does that thing weight?!"

"You know perfectly well what I mean," the elder girl scolded. "If I find out that you cause any harm on another student- and don't you dare play the Friend card on me- I will turn you over to McGonagall and make sure you _get_ it- Ame, stop sulking! You're not a first year." Hermione frowned. "I'm warning you. If I see or heard about one jinx or hex or curse casted on Ernie Macmillan, I will make it a duty as a Head girl and turn you in."

"But he dumped me-"

A glare from Hermione silenced her and she drew back, her lips curved into a pout.

"Fine, I won't kill him." Another glare.

"Can I still see Fred and George... Mummy?" Ame asked after a moment.

Hermione rolled her eyes at the parental title. "...Yes."

* * *

There were fireworks in the Gryffindor Common room.

When Ame arrived down stairs, the first thing that greeted her hello was an explosion of neon blue, happening not one foot away from her face. The impact made her stumble a few steps back, nearly making her fall when her heels hit the bottom of the stairs. It wasn't just one giant explosion. It was a giant explosion, followed by another giant explosion just seconds later, followed by two more little ones that, while did not have more force, almost shattered her poor eardrums.

The sound rang in her ears for minutes before she managed to recover, her head spinning wildly as if she had just consumed a full bottle of Butterbeer with extra beer.

Laughter greeted her next. It brought her out of the dizziness.

All around her, little brats were rolling on the floor, clutching their sides. The twins stood frozen on top of the Common room's best table, each wearing a grin, pointing at one another.

Ame narrowed her eyes. She wouldn't be surprised if there were already steam blowing out of her fox ears.

_You know not to mess with me,_ her eyes told them, and they immediately got the message, their best smiles glued on their face.

"SHUT IT!" Everything stopped. Harry, her adopted brother, flipped a page of his potion textbook, the sound of quill scribbling on parchment filled the air. Ame death-glared the First and Second years. She bared her teeth, and watch with frightful relish as remnants of grins slided off their faces. "Sod. Off."

They quickly scattered, determined to leave her alone.

"Hi Ame," the one whom Ame was sure was Fred said. His twin snorted as the girl plopped herself onto an empty couch, rage radiating off her skin like smoke.

"Oh look, you chased away so many potential customers," George whined. "You, girl, owe us _big _time!"

"Lay off Gred," Fred said, elbowing his partner in crime in the gut. "She has on her Just-Been-Dumped face again. Didn't we just hear a couple hours ago in the corridors of Macmillan demanding her to 'meet his junior'?" They burst into laughter. "And- And, she told him how she wants to keep her treasure chest safe!" More laughing. "And then, he-"

"Enough!" Ame finally screamed. "I don't even like him!"

"Two weeks ago, you were all over him." The twin grinned identical grins. "Oh Ernie, my one true love, wherefore art thou a Hufflepuff... Oooooooor... " They did a ceremonious little dance. "Oh Draco! My one true love, wherefore art thou a Malfoy? So cruel and deceiving is fate, which torn us apart by the-"

"No!" She covered her ears, blushing. Out the corner of her eyes, she saw Harry staring at her, which made her blush even more.

It was true, every since her first year, she had a crush on the Slytherin prince. The feeling has spawned and grew deeper and deeper as years went by. Sure, she'd go side tracked once in a while with guys like Ernie Macmillan, but Draco... She inwardly sighed dreamily, it was Draco Malfoy, with his angelic white blond hair and clear grey eyes, who took her breath away.

But she knew... Oh cruel fate, she had to be the first one to know!

"You want to stroke his ego," Fred mocked playfully, waving his wand in the air, creating images of two goldfishes kissing with sound effects. "Ame wants to graze his grass. She wants to be the priestess of his shrine! Licker of his licorice wand! Oh Ame, Ame. She wants to establish a city down Malfoy's south and name it her capital, travel his Nile river, ride his bike-"

"For Merlin's sake, shut up!"

"-Deflower his blossom! Tame his dragon! Unleash her fire upon him!"

"Fred, shut the fuck up!"

"Jump his bridge! Taste his chocolate frog!"

"All right! That's enough! We all know Malfoy's gay!!"

Everything stopped once again, then the twin started coughing, which then turned into full blown laughter. "That's a new one, Ame, how come we never thought of that before?!"

"No!" she shouted again, face completely red. "He's gay! All right?" She pointed at one stunned Harry Potter. "You of all people should know exactly what I'm talking about!" And she stormed out of the Gryffindor tower.

* * *

When Ame arrived at Snape's office, she promptly burst into tears, sobbing loudly on Snape's desk while the professor stood by a boiling cauldron's side, stirring up his latest potion.

"Today isn't your day is it?" he asked her, and waved his wand to open a cabinet. "_Accio_ blue tissue box!" An unopened blue tissue box landed in his hand, and he tossed it to the crying girl, who caught it, ripped the top open, and took out a handful of soft tissues. "Save some trees, Ame. One at a time."

"I can't believe them!" she said as she blew her nose, ignoring the tree-hugger statement. "The lots of them!"

Snape sighed quietly.

"I'm such an idiot. I kept hoping that he'd turn bisexual by now, but no!" She threw the crumpled up tissue ball onto the ground. "And the twins!" The head of the Slytherin stirred his potion, not knowing what to respond to that. "I got dumped by a guy who has braces, and he dumped me for the most undignified slut of the school!"

"Perhaps it's time you get over Mr. Malfoy?" Snape suggested.

"You said that every time," she pointed out.

He stopped the stirring. "The point is, Ame, if he's gay, then you should just... Look for the next best thing."

"There is no- ...Wait." The sudden smile on her face stumped Snape's little bud of hope. He knew this smile too well.

"Don't get any ideas!" he scolded her instantly, but she had already left.

"Sweet mother..." He shook his head.

* * *

"Malfoy!" Ame shouted, ignoring the hissing of the Slytherin portrait- a painting of a two-headed African cobra. "Malfoy! I need to talk to you!" She leaned and looked at the cobra in the eyes. "Stop hissing, I don't know the stupid password. Malfoy!"

The cobra coiled up, and both heads hissed in a calm tone, swaying smoothly back and forth. Ame stared at it. "Are you trying to tell me something?" One head hissed again, and she wished she was a Parseltongue like Harry. "You know that I don't understand a word you're saying, right?" She paused. "Can you go to the other side, maybe into another portrait inside and get Malfoy for me? It's urgent."

The snake made some noise like a serpent's version of snort and slithered away.

"Thanks!" she called after it, not sure if it could hear her or not.

_The next best thing._

Minutes later, the snake came back and the painting swung open. Surprised, she took a careful step into the Slytherin Common room, and scanned the green and silver decorations with precaution. Eyes and sneers and murmurs followed her as she took a deep breath. "I need to speak to Draco Malfoy," she told them, hoping they wouldn't hex her.

"He's upstairs," a Slytherin Prefect said, pointing at the stairs, sneering as she did so. Ame refrained herself from punching the girl in the face and walked as casual as she could across the room and up the steps, avoiding several traps and jinx placed there. _Slytherins_, she scoffed,_what a bunch of snarky bastards._

The dorm rooms were all labeled. She calmly walked up to the one that said, "Sixth Years, Male" and pushed at the door. Invisible bees stung her hand and she pulled back, yelping. A Stinging charm, Ame glared at the cursed door, wondering just how she was suppose to get in. Why did Malfoy cast such a jinx on the door anyway? "Malfoy! Open up!"

A sudden groan came from the other side.

"Who is it?" the blond grunted.

"Ame from Gryffindor. You know, the really cute kitsune?" she said, shamelessly praised herself, knowing Malfoy couldn't resist answering. Malfoy did, with a snort.

"What do you want? I'm busy right now!"

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing? Your potion homework, practicing Quidditch? Or are you riding the Chosen One's broom?!"

The door suddenly flung open and a levitation charm lifted her off her feet, flying her inside. Several Silence charms were placed on her at once and she found herself tied to chair.

Her face turned the color of her hair at the sight of Draco Malfoy in nothing but a pair of green shorts. Her face turned even more pink when she saw Harry Potter in the Malfoy's bed, obviously trying to hid himself, but failing miserably. _Damn, I hate to be right sometimes. _

"Talk," Draco said, and lifted the Silence charms.

"Eh.... I came at a bad time didn't I."

"Damn right you did!"

Now what? _My plan is ruined._ "Um...Uh... Um...How should I..." she uttered, completely loss for more words. Her voice went out the window as her mind raced round and round.

"Get on with it!"

"If you won't be my boyfriend, then I'm going to tell everybody!" she burst out.

They blinked at her.

"Are you trying to blackmail me?" the blond snarled after a moment. "We were going to tell everybody at the end of the year anyway."

"Well... um, see.... I love you, Draco!" she tried next.

"I'm flattered, but no."

_All right, this is the lowest of low I will go!_ "Draco, please go out with me! I'll be the best girlfriend- not the mention the only girlfriend- you'll ever have! It'd be the greatest straight girl with gay guy romance ever! We'll go shopping and buy tight pants, we can play cross-dressing, we can walk with one another naked and not be nervous, we can watch Muggle soap operas and laugh at them. We don't even have to kiss or have sex, we can just cuddle! You can even keep Harry, I don't mind at all! Please be my gay boyfriend!" Then she gave her adopted brother the puppy eyes. "Pleeease?"

Draco stared at her, eyes widened. There was a pregnant silence

"I tried," she finally sniffed. "Professor Snape, I listened to your advice! It didn't work!"

"You know, Draco. It's not a bad idea," Harry suddenly said. "You can use a straight girlfriend!"

Ame looked up, shocked.

"You can't be serious," Draco said, deadpanned. "I'm not going out with a girl, and I'm not going out with _her_!"

"Of course you are," the Potter said cheerfully. "Will you go out with Draco, Ame?"

She squeaked a happy "yes" and stared at Harry with shining eyes. Draco's mouth dropped open.

"I'll take that as yes, love!" Harry snickered. "You two will go shopping for tight pants next Tuesday, and be sure to get Draco some leather. He looks irresistible in them! "


End file.
